Summer Reading

I just finished the latest Harry Potter book... it had me torn up! I read the fifth book and cried, because Sirius died... but this book was different. It was the last one. Just that made me really sad! It was rather comical though. I finished the book one morning before I headed out to work, and on the way to work I just broke down. I realized that it was the last book and it hit me hard. I was balling and was just emotionally a wreck! It lasted all day long and almost cried at work too! Wierd...

I am leaving for Costa Rica so soon it's almost unfathomable! I can not believe that it is only 23 more days away. I feel hardly ready for this new escursion, but at the same time am so ready to get out of here.

I'm tired...

goodnight

A Discovery

I was up until 2:30 am last night looking up new music. I am so excited for what I found. At first I was just looking for stuff that I had been pineing for, but then I decided to see how many other Trevor's are out there in the music bussiness. I found this artist Trevor Hall. I absolutely am in love with this guy's music. His voice is really different. I just really like it in general. Other than that I went on myspace and was looking up some different indie artists and found this girl Ingrid Michaelson, I really like her too!

I am really excited for this new music. It makes my summer a bit more interesting and aesthetically pleaseing.

Centered

I'm feeling a bit more under control of my feelings considering my last entry. Unfortunately it exemplifies my ongoing need to contradict myself, a trait I wish so to retire. As it goes. The three dots, one has been focus, and the others simply wiped away. And when I sit and ponder my renewed situation, it occurs to me that though it may seem I have contradicted my past conclusions, the idea has remains constant. Not foremost in my mind, but it was there nonetheless, waiting to be opened once again.

It's also unfortunate that though I have found something that makes sense, the complication is over the top. Something I don't feel to delve into, but the complication is a mess and stands firmly in place.

Other than that. I am quiting my current job at Pizza Joe's and starting my new one at Bob Evan's! I am really excited about this change. All summer long I had been looking for a job as a server, but nobody wanted seasonal help. This oppurtunity couldn't have come at a more precious time. I start orientation Sunday. I bought all of my work clothes, which double as clothes for Sears and Costa Rica! They are... hott! I would normally never ever referr to something in relevance to me as "hott" but there is no other word that settles better with my soul... yes it is that deep.

Summer is going quickly, something that most people would consider horrifying, I on the other hand view rewarding and exciting. I am going to Costa Rica the 26th of August to study abroad for school. I am a spanish major, my reason for the trip. I'm just so excited.

I have come up with some music for my new song. It happened just yesterday. I was just plunking around and found something that resembles a bike ride. It's nice and will need more work... but we're getting there. I will see if I can get some of my current music up on this site!

Dot-to-Dot

I don't understand myself sometimes... I think that's a trait that everyone has. But lately it's been about relationships. Something that I know the least about. I am probably the one 20 year old with the least bit of experiance in relationships. I am; a kiss virgin, virgin, relationship virgin, virgin.

I am at this point where I am jumping from one dot to another, and not making a pretty picture of it. One moment I'm here, then another I'm there... but something happened last night that has put me in a place where I don't feel like I will be leaving it. A permant dot, if you will. I speak in riddles for privacy sake, obviously. But, for clarification, each one of these dots would have a name, and there are three of them. One dot has some interesting traits, another traits that better suit me, and the third, where I feel I am, has the traits that I super long for.

I haven't felt this in such a long time. Over the course of this past school year I felt like I had been forcing my emotions a great deal, in that I was trying to find someone and pushed my emotions in all directions. Unfortunately, that for a while left me confused. The dot that I stand on currently has left me in distain for reasons of doubt. Maybe doubt is a poor word to use. I feel like the possibilty of things working for me on this dot are highly, probably, very difficult. It's the distance... a very distant dot... but I never felt so close to it either.

I feel in my gut it's for me. Something is there, and I just pray that God will let it work out. Oh I'm so fickle... so indecisive... I could just punch myself!

New new new

Dear world,

New new new, everything is new. I love it when things are new.
They smell new, feel new, look new. This site is new! I just carried
this over from xanga. Sadly, for some reason, I feel like I've outgrown
xanga. It seems a lot of kids write there anymore. I'm looking for
the next step up. Though I don't really understand blogspot either.
It's a new world that I would like to explore.

To tell you about myself a little. I am an aspiring; linguist, musician,
artist, author, professional knitter, student, and photographer. It's
true... I don't really know what I want to do with my life.

The most obvious thing that I am pursuing right now during the
summer is something in music. I have been writing music for a
couple years now. It's something that I have grown to be able to
interpret my emotions and express myself through. I was never
able to do that so much with my drawings. In high school every-
one expected me to go into art... but I proved them wrong going
into music, though that was predictable enough, I got them again
jumping into Spanish later on. However, lately I just took a bike
ride down my road. It was the most amazing experiance I had
and knew I had to write about it...

Some blips... In order... the more I wrote the better it got... some
will most likely be excluded, especially the beginning...

I'll peddle my fuji through the crisp night,
To catch myself or at least the sight,
With the chattering chains that sing along,
And bring a peace to where I belong...

one blip...

Amytheist skies bleed onto the street,
Unable to see where the gravel meets,
My bike it sends me there,
Some place I'm unaware,
My only friend is the chattering chaings,
A lullably for anxiety drains,
My soul is far too gone,
And we keep pressing on,

two blip...

The whole world turned gray,
It took my breath away,

three blip...

I sing to the blackened sky,
Burned by the sun's fals try,
Will heal to a crystal blue,
Nursed by the moon's sweet dew,

I say I can relate to pain,
As I note a flying plane,
And wonder if the people see,
Something that resembles me,

It's not a fairytale or dream,
Nor is it better than it seems,
Reality has played its part,
You can feel it inside your heart...

MORE!

That's just what I'm working on... no music yet.